Madeline Brockish

Madeline Brockish graduated from the Utah College of Massage Therapy in December of 1991. Prior to attending UCMT, Madeline received her bachelor’s degree in International Relations in Maryland. She also trained in Shiatsu at the Heartwood Institute in California as well as with various instructors throughout the western United States. After graduating, Madeline began a private practice and also began teaching Shiatsu among other courses at UCMT. After closing her successful private practice, Madeline began working full-time at UCMT as a staff instructor. Several years ago, Madeline submitted the following letter to the Career Services Department regarding the impact of massage on her life as well as the impact she has had on others as a massage therapist:

"I first discovered massage rather haphazardly back in the beginning of 1990 when I was living in Baltimore. At that time, I was depressed and very unhappy with my life. I enjoyed my job as a research assistant, however I knew it was lacking the depth of experience for which I quietly longed. I wanted to move on and so began my search for a new direction. At the time, I was receiving acupuncture treatments for fibromyalgia which I had been diagnosed with the summer before. The medical community offered me very little in the way of treatment other than with antidepressant drugs. I did not like that option, so I started reading about alternative methods of healing and of obtaining well being. I decided to try acupuncture. With the acupuncture, I noticed some change in my fibromyalgia but more importantly the experience brought about a change in the way I saw health and well being. In talking with my acupuncturist, she suggested I read a book about acupuncture so I would more clearly understand how it worked. Just by being given the chance and the encouragement to learn more about my treatment, I felt empowered to do more about my life. And so I discovered massage.

"When I first heard about massage, I knew it was something I wanted to do. I did not know much about it so I took a one-day course at a massage school in Washington, DC. What a wonderful experience! It was the greatest thing I had ever done! I was hooked. I wanted to learn how to massage people. I wanted to touch people and help them feel good. I started looking into massage schools thinking I would use the opportunity to get back to the western part of the United States. In the meantime, I thought I ought to receive a massage from a professional; so I set up an appointment with a woman who advertised in a local health publication. The day I went in for my massage, I was nervous. [The therapist] took my medial history and then she left the room while I got undressed and [got] on the table. I felt really uncomfortable lying there naked between the sheets. She came in and turned on relaxing music and she started pulling on my limbs, shaking my legs and doing a variety of movements including massage. The whole time I could not relax. Even though I was the one who had asked for the massage… I realized I did not know what I had asked for. I was irritated and annoyed; I had never had a person touch me as she was touching me. Looking back now, I know that everything she was doing was appropriate, but it was the most foreign experience to me. I put up my guard… I would not relax and I did not enjoy the experience. I tried massage with another therapist and it was much the same thing except that the guards were better prepared. I would not allow myself to enjoy the experience while I was receiving it – afterwards, I would feel very relaxed. It got better with time, but even so I was not totally comfortable with receiving massage. Regardless, I was still convinced that I would go to massage school. Now I just needed to decide on which one and then just do it. In other words, make it happen.

"The following month I packed up the Chevy and drove to Utah. Here, I was alone and ecstatic. A new adventure! I jumped right into school and never once did I regret or wish I had made a different choice. I knew at that time in my life there was no other alternative. The program was tough – especially getting used to receiving the massages – but it was the beginning of a new path that has given my life wonderful meaning.

"Massage school introduced me to a lot of new ideas but just as importantly my choice of UCMT put me in a new environment surrounded by like-minded individuals. I finally woke up to who I am and became aware of my body, my emotions and my spiritual being. Slowly, receiving massage became more enjoyable… I rarely have symptoms of fibromyalgia. When I do they are very short lived… I feel much more empowered regarding my own health and wellbeing. I am healthier and happier. The journey that got me to where I am today gained its momentum when I started massage therapy school.

"As a massage therapist, I now get paid to do what I love. I am self-employed and that, I have discovered, is how I work best. Building a practice has been a huge journey in discovering my self-esteem and self-confidence. I have also had the wonderful and challenging opportunity to teach at UCMT. That, in itself has been a most incredible growth experience. I believe I learn as much, if not more, from the students as they do from me. That is a very powerful exchange.

"Massage therapy has opened many doors for me. I have discovered many uses for the gifts I have cultivated. One is to provide comfort and [nurturing] to people who are challenged by our society. I participate in the massage therapy program at the Utah AIDS Foundation. Over the last year, I have worked with two individuals on a weekly basis. One of my clients shares with us his experience with massage:

‘I tested HIV positive in November 1990. I was very sick and my body was so exhausted from fighting what had come into it that I would come home from work and not remember collapsing on the bed or in a chair. Sometimes I would wake up around eleven or twelve o’clock and pull off my tie, take off my shoes, turn out the lights and go to bed; other times I would wake up the next morning with my ties and shoes still on.

‘I decided then that I wanted to do everything I could to fight AIDS and, if possible, be alive when the cure comes. I read books by long-term survivors of AIDS to learn what they had done. Those people shared only one thing: they had all had regular massages. They did not know why massage seemed to help them, except that it relieved stress and made them relax; also whey they got a massage, someone touched them when no one else would. Touch alone made them feel better about living. Maybe massage helps for other reasons; we do not know.

‘So I tried to get massages when I could. In the beginning, I could not afford to pay for them. The Utah AIDS Foundation organized a free massage clinic that I wold go to once a week. I met a massage therapist there, Madeline, who introduced me to Shiatsu and has worked with me ever since. I believe all she has done for me has helped. Her kindness, skill and generosity are things I will not forget.’

"The other individual passed away in January 1995. I have asked his mother to write about his experience with massage:

‘Kevin looked forward to [Madeline’s] visits. The peaceful, quiet way she had of bringing peace and relaxation to him was wonderful. As we were there caring for our son, we were able to see the positive effect of her visits. She brought with her not only the blessings of her hands, but a peaceful, sweet and caring spirit. We shall be eternally grateful for her kindness at such a heartbreaking time.’

"My experience of working with Kevin has been quite profound. Toward the end he was not very coherent. He was on a lot of morphine and would sleep a lot. Even though I worked with him every week for over four months, I did not realize until he died that I did not know him as other people had known him when he was healthy. I experienced a lot of grief and I realized that it was a grief that I had not been prepared for. Because, yes, I knew I would be sad when he died but I did not realize until he died that he and I had a connection that was unlike any we had with anybody else. I knew Kevin through the power of touch. I did not really know who Kevin was. I knew some of his likes and dislikes. I knew he was a generous man who could also be ornery. But that was it. I did however, know him on a level that is difficult to comprehend let alone express, especially in this society. I knew him through the power of touch. That is all. And that is something not to be taken lightly.

"I do not know if I will always be a massage therapist. But that does not really matter. What matters is that by discovering massage therapy, my life has completely changed its course. I did not like where I was headed before. Now with the changes I have made, I am comfortable with whatever may lie ahead for me."